The Freedom To Act ... Conditionally!

Once an adult, we are allowed to act independently in many ways. We can buy
cars, property, clothes and we can make commitments, but then, later on in life that freedom will be taken away. That time comes when sickness comes to us and when old age sets in.
Then doctors, the medical world, religious doctrine, corporations and government give us the rules we should abide by. Suddenly we are no longer deemed capable to act independently.
It wasn’t always that way. When did this process start? Probably many centuries ago, but that process has progressed more rapidly with the onset of the Industrial Revolution, it seems.
In more primitive times, people were allowed to walk up the mountain and “go it alone!”
Or communities with a deep respect for the elderly guided them through the end-of-Life process with grace and honor.
The aspect of Grace is hard to find, these days. Old folks with little more than their hearts pumping are left out of the inner circle of society. Many live in isolation with their relatives basically gone and care facility shareholders waiting for their next dividend check.

I have been pondering this situation. Why does this appear to be so?
And then it struck me: “Later on in life, are we afraid of making the life-and-death decisions ourselves or within the family circle? Are we suddenly fearful of the “End-of-Life” process and delegate the decision-making responsibility to others? Do others really know us better than we do ourselves? REALLY? It seems that way.
Doctors prescribe medicines, many times not knowing the effects they will have - a sophisticated guessing game, surgeons “cut-and-paste”, religious doctrine dictates, pharmaceutical companies convince us, insurance companies make medical decisions with their own profit picture in mind and government polices our lives in lots of ways. We can argue to what extent this scenario is completely or partially true, but most of it is happening. So we have in a significant way relinquished our independence and responsibility for our own health and well-being.

Is it time to wake up to that realization on a large scale and take back the territory lost?

Who is deciding for me?

Who’s playing God?

How is it in God’s name allowable that another person can decide for me when my life is complete?
Is that based on common sense, on religious doctrine, rules devised by a segment of “leaders” in their thirties or so, who feel compelled to put their very own stamp on society: “I have decided” or maybe even “we have decided” in a board room occupied by Heavy-Weights.

Who is playing God here?

Think about it: somebody coming to your house and telling you: “What you are doing in your very own home is not permitted! Why? because we have decided!”
Now think of your home as being your very own body. Then how preposterous would that comment sound? That’s what hospitals, public and religious ones alike do, to-day!

So, again, who is playing God?

See, the rich and famous have their ways and a tendency to dictate what is and is not allowable, but many of those individuals will find ways that suit them when beneficial to them, and then ignore the very rules set-up by them.

Who is playing God?

I am looking for leaders willing to take on the so-called established institutions and take on absurd rules and regulations in to-day’s world. Many talk about us living in a more enlightened society. Really?

Are some of these leaders playing God?

You decide and let’s start a discussion, a debate. Check-out www.compassionandchoices.org

Elegance, Style & Aging.

On a regular basis I drive people to clinics, hospitals and other health care related places. All of these folks have lost most of their capacity to drive. Their mobility is definitely on the wane. Walking is difficult, bicycling is out of the question. They don’t have partners who can do the driving for them.

With the loss of mobility, they are also losing the urge to dress carefully. They have lost the need to appeal to others regardless of sex. Many of them don’t even dress for the day. “Night gown and slippers will do fine. No one will be visiting me. No one I can think of, anyway. So what is the purpose of putting on clothes?”

And when these people do put on clothes for a trip to the doctor, their concern for appearance is very low on the totem pole. Male or female: they put on the first thing that comes to mind plus some non matching sneakers and they kind of do their hair. A man’s attention to facial hair has passed months ago and lipstick for the women is of no importance anymore.

I see this picture almost every week, and it was not too long ago that I realized that I too can fall in that “mode”. Nowadays I only wear jeans when I do chores and garden work. Not that I need to look attractive and kept for others. No, it is strictly for myself. I want to appear presentable.

I am no longer 25 or 50, when one can take liberties with one’s dress and garment. With age I have a feeling that I become less and less presentable and with that notion people around me may shun my presence. I am single and I do need my group of friends. Yes, I become more vulnerable. The youthfulness advertised all over is gone. Very few older folks can maintain that natural elegance and style, even if they were born with it. Many older folks now carry around that disheveled look no one seems to advertise as desirable.

So, for as long as I can, I’ll make an effort to be sensitive to my appearance and maybe I can carry it off. If not, well, then you know that I tried.

Technology and life as we know it!

7 Years ago, I refused to believe that I would ever own a cell phone. Shortly after that pronouncement I gave in (under pressure, kind of) and got this portable device and discontinued my land-line service. Now I just got introduced to an iPhone, and I wonder what will be next!

In the broader sense, in the middle of the nineteenth century we “discovered” electricity and began building our lives around that phenomenon. That change has, in my opinion, caused the most drastic impact on society. It started slowly and now one electronic advance is ”old” and outdated within months.

To-day, I had a discussion with a group of men in my local coffee shop on the consequences of this kind of high speed progress. Computers get smaller, phones can do what computers can do and much more, books can be read on line - no paper-back purchase needed, we have replaced bulky maps with built-in GPS-es, and we are speaking about cars being electronically guided along the highways while its passengers enjoy the sights, continue the family feud and being whisked to a far away destination.

What do we do with our “need” to be connected to this fabulous earth? Remember our ancestors using a shovel and a rake working the land? I do recall a brief moment in my life - 8 consecutive school vacation summers on THE farm in the 1940s, where I got my hands dirty and my muscles tired.

To-day, I hear stories of parents requesting for their children 32” TV at the place of vacation. How about the kids, who virtually lock themselves into their rooms with music plugs in their ears and their fingers manipulating electronic game devices. We now have cars and airlines providing us with entertainment and we move from place to place without “hitting” the out-doors.

Are we removing ourselves and our off-spring from that life my parents used to know? They knew where the potatoes and the cauliflower came from. They have seen frogs and spiders in the wild. They had conversations or debates and took long walks in the rain - well, by now, you know what I am concerned about.

I am looking forward to a change in our awareness, a slow down in our life styles and a return to the appreciation for the simple things in life: A cup of hot chocolate on the front porch with the family enjoying the sunset and the humming birds taking a late night sip on the sugar water feeder. And then ... then everyone goes to sleep with the chickens. Will we ever see this type of life again?

To-day's hospital?

I am volunteering for a number of organizations and occasionally have to wait for a patient in the lobby of a hospital. What is it like as an outsider to be there and to experience that world?

Automatic sliding doors give entry to a marble floored lobby with soft light and a relaxed operator behind a luxurious counter. The lady is more than willing to direct me to anywhere. The chairs in the waiting room area remind me more of an expensive hotel or a lawyer’s office than a place where the sick get a chance to get better - that’s at least the intent. Nurses stroll around in colorful uniforms with charts under their arms. There is nowhere a real sense of urgency.

On one TV-screen I notice the show “General Hospital” with soft intrigue, making up part of the muted noise. From time to time an ad comes on - an ad for medicine described by the sexy voice from a lady. In the distance, I hear live piano playing, yes, live piano playing.

In front of me on the wall another TV with announcements for the OR-Manager. Then a loud “Beep-Beep” suddenly demands all the attention and breaks the almost silence: “Code Blue ... “ and then follows something unintelligible. Minutes later, equally loud: “Cancel code Blue - E.D.-minor, E.D.-minor!”, whatever that means.

Oh yes, a third TV-screen tells me that I may qualify for a special scooter for increased mobility. And the piano player keeps on bringing sweet tunes to the halls for background comfort. I almost wonder where the bar and the swimming pools are.

Occasionally a recently released patient is being picked up by family member or maybe a volunteer like me. I am suddenly made aware of the first sign of infirmary: a wheel chair with a nurse, but no patient.

I look around and see only one other person in the lobby. This hospital is a quiet place. Not the frantic image from my past. Is this now typical for a place for urgent care? This seems unreal, even ridiculous. Really amazing how this institution has changed over the past 50 years, and small wonder the cost for health care has risen so dramatically.

Aging, just plain aging!

Every morning when I wake up I am almost always amazed that everything is still “working”, kind of. When I have completed my morning floor exercises my body is working even better. But my knees aren’t what they used to be, though I am still hopeful that through pure determination and supplemental ingredients I can lift them to a higher “standard”. Alright, I won’t mention the other slight physical draw backs that occur after sixty!

What I would like to draw attention to is the way the very old, in my opinion, are suffering. There comes a point when one can no longer “operate” independently. That is inevitable, but the way we, in this society deal with that phase of life is worrisome. On a regular basis I visit nursing homes and I volunteer for Hospice, and what I observe is not pretty. Let’s be honest: the sight is NOT pretty!

I get rather emotional when I see these poor folks lying in chairs without a voice - you know the voice that you and I have. A voice with which I can speak up and protest when necessary. And I wonder why these people are still waking up every day. For what reason, for whom? The relatives are away, sometimes far away, the nursing home employees fulfill their daily functions admirably, but it is a routine - not a family love affair, the nurses and doctors come and go with stethoscope and medicine, and the meals are many times only partially consumed. A tragic sight, and I want this society to do something about it, but the chances for action in my life time are not good.

Yes, we need to make a “U-turn”.

The medical world - the doctors, the nurses need to start to protest. Questions need to be raised, such as: Why do we let those folks go on living? Don’t tell me that they still want to live, because that is highly unlikely, most of the time. I have heard “patients” say to me: “Life stinks!” I have seen and been with people who sit listless next to me - motionless. Some roll their eyes, some mumble something, no one knows what.

.... and the nursing home personnel dutifully does its duty, while the family members are mostly far away in body and mind.

Quite frankly ... Oh, I better not tell you what I really think about this. What do YOU think should be done? Now is the time to speak up. You still can!

A needed C-change!

Lara Logan "60 Minutes" violation revelations need to be repeated over and over again on every possible visual medium, because we, the people need to initiate a C-change! We shouldn't fool ourselves, because women in this and other countries are being casually and repeatedly violated with a certain sense of permission - look at internet pornography, look at the slick commercial advertisement everywhere.

Men over the many years in the past have grown accustomed that violating women is an acceptable aspect in our and other societies. Women's attitude hasn't helped in halting this deteriorating process. Be honest, and let's make that C-change happen and everyone, including the women need to help.

Thanks Lara and 60 Minutes for making a start at this "revolution"!

Society, which one?

I have read a lot and listened a lot, and I bet, so has the reader.

What I see in my world is:
The coming of maybe even No Unions;
A last attempt by the Corporate and Wall Street group to enlarge their bonus and income pools;
The disappearance of the middle class as I have known it;
A powerless government incapable of governing, where they need to;
A corporate state, where the interest and well-being of the masses are being left out = a capitalist state.

I heard from some that this country is moving in the direction of socialism, "meaning" that the members of society feel a responsibility toward one another.

My conclusion, based on the above painted picture is that this country is
in the ban of capitalistic socialism, meaning: the wealthy take care of their
own kind, while fiercely protecting their individual rights regardless of the
repercussions to the broader participants in society. In my opinion, this
model will eventually break down. No one will come out a "winner".

"Everything going wrong" always seems to be someone else's fault. We don't sit down together - members of all persuasions and debate, discuss and solve. We are in need of dialogue. Not monologues (news paper articles, one man shows, etc.). From a philosophical point of view, there seems to be little difference between now and the Middle Ages. "L'histoire se repete!"

I can imagine that this will get a negative reaction from the reader.

I am very much in favor of a healthy capitalistic system together with a firm and well educated middle class, from which the entrepreneurs can spawn and can grow into capitalists, respecting the middle class from which they came. I live in a society, not by myself. We need to have a sense of responsibility toward one another. Then "my" system can work.

I'll keep listening and discussing. To-morrow I may see things differently.

20-some year olds and their BMWs!

What am I to think, when I see a really young student get in his/her brand new BMW sport? Don't we have a financial crisis on our hands? I realize that I live in a section of town where most of the privileged circulate, but still, is this what we can continue to live with - a field of dreams?

What are these youth going to think and do when they are not immediately being hired upon graduation? Yes, I heard stories of proud students being interviewed, who were laughing when they asked and got 6-figure beginning salaries in Silicon Valley. But what about the upcoming high school and college graduates with Beamers, who will remain under- or unemployed? Will they accept a lower standard of living? Sure, they may have to, but will they display discontent and anger that their parents habits and customs cannot be duplicated or augmented? "I have a right to this life style - Period!"

Am I fearful of an absence of appreciation? I guess so. Walking to work, taking the bus, bicycling to the mall! "Are you kidding? No way! I need to be part of the In-Crowd!"

Parents are willing to go broke to give their off-spring a better life. Better?

What's wrong with less? All this materialism keeps all of us away from a sense of appreciation of the natural. The frogs and the birds.

"Sorry, We have no time for this stuff. Where are the keys to my Beamer!"

Struggling, relatively!

Yes, I am struggling. I don't want to make a big fuss about it, and I wonder how many others feel the same way. I hear often, when people parade by in "my" coffee shop: "Hey, how are you?" Dutifully I say: "Oh fine!" No one would favorably react to: "I am struggling!"

When I am REALLY struggling I would probably not even come in. Still, there are times, that I would like to "let my hair down". Here is not the place. Yeah, and then I hear my mother's familiar saying: "One comes onto this earth alone and one needs to leave alone!"

I wonder what my cat or other animal thinks, does, feels? In my presence, the cat seems to be content. She makes the best of it - racing through the house, slipping out the back cat door or just lying around, curled up for hours at a time on a chair. Sure one's every so often she meets me on the front porch when I return home. Clearly, she expresses a need for companionship. Does she get it when in need? Well, let me tell you, I feel I don't. Not often, but now is one of those moments that I would love to hold someone's hand. Since that other hand is missing for the moment it is time to pack up and search for it. See what happens - that's what life is all about anyway!

My imaginary Pyramid!

To whomever in my universe!

This morning under the shower I realized that I hadn’t talked to Robert for a while. Then it crossed my mind: “Why does his name come to mind?”

Well, Robert is a part of my life. Not my entire life or even a grand percentage, but he takes part in my life. So do many people and thereby, I realize that my life is a mosaic of for me interested parties. Sure, some take up a larger portion of my daily life. Son Jaap and brother Burchard are at the top of the list and then a kind of pyramid starts to form. Even the people - all of them at Caribou Coffee take part, be it at a much lower level and less intensely, but important at some level they all are. In my mind, I now see this pyramid becoming “Real!”. Boy, it is huge!

Yes, it is true that some “members” fall by the wayside and others take their place or a vacancy is not filled, at least not for a while. The consequences of a divorce are significantly more profound and deep then a disconnection with a neighbor across the street. Death obviously is permanent, though a vacuum will probably never take its place whether I experience the departure of a neighbor or my mother. It becomes a matter of degree. Somewhere in my memory a roll is being played by all affecting my life. My mother will stay somewhere near the top and a Caribou server will remain near the bottom, though one never can tell.

It is a fascinating subject - who fits where?, and I am positive that all these members of this mosaic float from left to right and from near the top to somewhere else all the time.

It is a “living” entity, even if it is only in the mind. It is and remains a very dynamic state in my mind. When people, I haven’t seen in years in person, knock on my front door and ask for a stay-over, suddenly the picture is violently re-arranged. The more flexible I am, the easier the movements within the pyramid, the less stressful life may become.

And yes, my cat, the dead mouse brought in as a present by her, the birds on the front porch, all the events happening in my house and around the garden are a part of my whole! Charlotte, Amsterdam and everything in between ....

OK, I know where this is all going to end - my mosaic is as wide and deep as I experience it to be. It is my universe and I hope to share it with many, many, many!

Beautiful Gray Hair.

I see myself walking around all over the place. I have more time to do so with public and other activities winding down. Though birds watching takes a certain percentage of my waking hours, I see more and more “me”s walking by. These folks are not always of the male type, after all gray hair is everywhere, these days. Many of these people in their last stage in life twiddle their thumbs and fiddle with their half empty paper coffee cup at the local rest stop. At least these men and women get out of the house. Just imagine the number having given up on searching for connection away from the silent telephones. Staring out of the home window seems more passive than doing so at the corner coffee house. Oh yeah, now we - all of us, have portable electronics to play “busy” with. Some folks are staring at a screen or are they having deep thoughts? After the bottom of the cup has long been reached and sitting becomes a bit too uncomfortable “we” get up, struggle with the zipper of our jackets and then walk out with that look that doesn’t have “destination” or “purpose” written on it. “We” take a ride or just walk home and have a meaningful conversation with the cat, the first real conversation in about an hour. Well, maybe I am strictly speaking for myself, but I don’t think so. Working with volunteer organizations like Friendship Trays gives me the inkling that there are an awful lot of lonely, aimless folks out there. People hidden from the every day life. Slowly ebbing away from the public scene. At least I can look forward to a 2 o’clock meeting and a bus load of house guests this week-end. In the mean time, I wonder what the future will hold for the aging generation other than plenty of doctor’s visits and no-interaction TV shows.

How ARE we going to stay in touch with those who have truly busy days and work hard to make a living. Even our kids seem to fade from the scene. Do you have any suggestions?

A recurring thought!

Life in these Unites States is good so long as you can keep the medical aspect of life here at a safe distant. As soon as the medical world takes hold of one's life here life may very well become intolerable. That doesn't imply that my doctor(s) intentionally want(s) to make my life miserable, but the chances that such will happen are overwhelmingly distinct.

I am a content individual and my life is good, and before that picture changes for good, I feel that I should be able to say "Good-bye" in my own way, when I think that time has come. No reason at that point to postpone my departure.

How does this scenario strike you? Y'all have an opinion. After all you have an opinion on most everything else I discuss with all of you.

So, if you are even remotely on "my" page, what action would you suggest? Maybe you STILL do not want to talk about the subject. In The Netherlands several books have been written on the subject as a result of actions taken by family members, friends and neighbors of people who took the step to end their lives while it was still good.

Is there a universal scenario? No, but where are you on the subject of "Ending a life completed"?