Society, which one?

I have read a lot and listened a lot, and I bet, so has the reader.

What I see in my world is:
The coming of maybe even No Unions;
A last attempt by the Corporate and Wall Street group to enlarge their bonus and income pools;
The disappearance of the middle class as I have known it;
A powerless government incapable of governing, where they need to;
A corporate state, where the interest and well-being of the masses are being left out = a capitalist state.

I heard from some that this country is moving in the direction of socialism, "meaning" that the members of society feel a responsibility toward one another.

My conclusion, based on the above painted picture is that this country is
in the ban of capitalistic socialism, meaning: the wealthy take care of their
own kind, while fiercely protecting their individual rights regardless of the
repercussions to the broader participants in society. In my opinion, this
model will eventually break down. No one will come out a "winner".

"Everything going wrong" always seems to be someone else's fault. We don't sit down together - members of all persuasions and debate, discuss and solve. We are in need of dialogue. Not monologues (news paper articles, one man shows, etc.). From a philosophical point of view, there seems to be little difference between now and the Middle Ages. "L'histoire se repete!"

I can imagine that this will get a negative reaction from the reader.

I am very much in favor of a healthy capitalistic system together with a firm and well educated middle class, from which the entrepreneurs can spawn and can grow into capitalists, respecting the middle class from which they came. I live in a society, not by myself. We need to have a sense of responsibility toward one another. Then "my" system can work.

I'll keep listening and discussing. To-morrow I may see things differently.

20-some year olds and their BMWs!

What am I to think, when I see a really young student get in his/her brand new BMW sport? Don't we have a financial crisis on our hands? I realize that I live in a section of town where most of the privileged circulate, but still, is this what we can continue to live with - a field of dreams?

What are these youth going to think and do when they are not immediately being hired upon graduation? Yes, I heard stories of proud students being interviewed, who were laughing when they asked and got 6-figure beginning salaries in Silicon Valley. But what about the upcoming high school and college graduates with Beamers, who will remain under- or unemployed? Will they accept a lower standard of living? Sure, they may have to, but will they display discontent and anger that their parents habits and customs cannot be duplicated or augmented? "I have a right to this life style - Period!"

Am I fearful of an absence of appreciation? I guess so. Walking to work, taking the bus, bicycling to the mall! "Are you kidding? No way! I need to be part of the In-Crowd!"

Parents are willing to go broke to give their off-spring a better life. Better?

What's wrong with less? All this materialism keeps all of us away from a sense of appreciation of the natural. The frogs and the birds.

"Sorry, We have no time for this stuff. Where are the keys to my Beamer!"

Struggling, relatively!

Yes, I am struggling. I don't want to make a big fuss about it, and I wonder how many others feel the same way. I hear often, when people parade by in "my" coffee shop: "Hey, how are you?" Dutifully I say: "Oh fine!" No one would favorably react to: "I am struggling!"

When I am REALLY struggling I would probably not even come in. Still, there are times, that I would like to "let my hair down". Here is not the place. Yeah, and then I hear my mother's familiar saying: "One comes onto this earth alone and one needs to leave alone!"

I wonder what my cat or other animal thinks, does, feels? In my presence, the cat seems to be content. She makes the best of it - racing through the house, slipping out the back cat door or just lying around, curled up for hours at a time on a chair. Sure one's every so often she meets me on the front porch when I return home. Clearly, she expresses a need for companionship. Does she get it when in need? Well, let me tell you, I feel I don't. Not often, but now is one of those moments that I would love to hold someone's hand. Since that other hand is missing for the moment it is time to pack up and search for it. See what happens - that's what life is all about anyway!

My imaginary Pyramid!

To whomever in my universe!

This morning under the shower I realized that I hadn’t talked to Robert for a while. Then it crossed my mind: “Why does his name come to mind?”

Well, Robert is a part of my life. Not my entire life or even a grand percentage, but he takes part in my life. So do many people and thereby, I realize that my life is a mosaic of for me interested parties. Sure, some take up a larger portion of my daily life. Son Jaap and brother Burchard are at the top of the list and then a kind of pyramid starts to form. Even the people - all of them at Caribou Coffee take part, be it at a much lower level and less intensely, but important at some level they all are. In my mind, I now see this pyramid becoming “Real!”. Boy, it is huge!

Yes, it is true that some “members” fall by the wayside and others take their place or a vacancy is not filled, at least not for a while. The consequences of a divorce are significantly more profound and deep then a disconnection with a neighbor across the street. Death obviously is permanent, though a vacuum will probably never take its place whether I experience the departure of a neighbor or my mother. It becomes a matter of degree. Somewhere in my memory a roll is being played by all affecting my life. My mother will stay somewhere near the top and a Caribou server will remain near the bottom, though one never can tell.

It is a fascinating subject - who fits where?, and I am positive that all these members of this mosaic float from left to right and from near the top to somewhere else all the time.

It is a “living” entity, even if it is only in the mind. It is and remains a very dynamic state in my mind. When people, I haven’t seen in years in person, knock on my front door and ask for a stay-over, suddenly the picture is violently re-arranged. The more flexible I am, the easier the movements within the pyramid, the less stressful life may become.

And yes, my cat, the dead mouse brought in as a present by her, the birds on the front porch, all the events happening in my house and around the garden are a part of my whole! Charlotte, Amsterdam and everything in between ....

OK, I know where this is all going to end - my mosaic is as wide and deep as I experience it to be. It is my universe and I hope to share it with many, many, many!

Beautiful Gray Hair.

I see myself walking around all over the place. I have more time to do so with public and other activities winding down. Though birds watching takes a certain percentage of my waking hours, I see more and more “me”s walking by. These folks are not always of the male type, after all gray hair is everywhere, these days. Many of these people in their last stage in life twiddle their thumbs and fiddle with their half empty paper coffee cup at the local rest stop. At least these men and women get out of the house. Just imagine the number having given up on searching for connection away from the silent telephones. Staring out of the home window seems more passive than doing so at the corner coffee house. Oh yeah, now we - all of us, have portable electronics to play “busy” with. Some folks are staring at a screen or are they having deep thoughts? After the bottom of the cup has long been reached and sitting becomes a bit too uncomfortable “we” get up, struggle with the zipper of our jackets and then walk out with that look that doesn’t have “destination” or “purpose” written on it. “We” take a ride or just walk home and have a meaningful conversation with the cat, the first real conversation in about an hour. Well, maybe I am strictly speaking for myself, but I don’t think so. Working with volunteer organizations like Friendship Trays gives me the inkling that there are an awful lot of lonely, aimless folks out there. People hidden from the every day life. Slowly ebbing away from the public scene. At least I can look forward to a 2 o’clock meeting and a bus load of house guests this week-end. In the mean time, I wonder what the future will hold for the aging generation other than plenty of doctor’s visits and no-interaction TV shows.

How ARE we going to stay in touch with those who have truly busy days and work hard to make a living. Even our kids seem to fade from the scene. Do you have any suggestions?

A recurring thought!

Life in these Unites States is good so long as you can keep the medical aspect of life here at a safe distant. As soon as the medical world takes hold of one's life here life may very well become intolerable. That doesn't imply that my doctor(s) intentionally want(s) to make my life miserable, but the chances that such will happen are overwhelmingly distinct.

I am a content individual and my life is good, and before that picture changes for good, I feel that I should be able to say "Good-bye" in my own way, when I think that time has come. No reason at that point to postpone my departure.

How does this scenario strike you? Y'all have an opinion. After all you have an opinion on most everything else I discuss with all of you.

So, if you are even remotely on "my" page, what action would you suggest? Maybe you STILL do not want to talk about the subject. In The Netherlands several books have been written on the subject as a result of actions taken by family members, friends and neighbors of people who took the step to end their lives while it was still good.

Is there a universal scenario? No, but where are you on the subject of "Ending a life completed"?

Lonely vs Alone

What is it like to be lonely?

To be lonely is to look at a room full of furniture and full of silence, to walk to a restaurant by myself and sit at the bar, because sitting at a table for four seems silly! So, when asked: “How many?” I respond by pointing at the bar and tell the host that I’ll like a menu.

To be lonely is talking to myself and rationalizing that I am not the only one, that it is normal and that being with another person may not be so hot either.

To feel lonely may take me out of the house and take the car and drive to a place where I can look busy with a book and not look lonely. Or I can walk to the nearby coffee house with my computer, sip the tea from a paper cup and check my e-mail in hope for news I can lose myself in and believe for a moment that I am connected.

Cooking for one is an awkward exercise and consequently, when I do, I make soup for days.

I wonder whether, when lonely, I experience a form of depression. Until further proof, I don’t think that I am a depressed type individual. It may well be that I create ambiance and interesting ideas, which lead me on a path of “I wonder ... “.

Alone is different and can be O.K.

At night, alone, my bed gives me plenty of comfort, and when I drive my trusty Subaru direction Asheville all alone to visit with my son and grandson, the trip is smooth and full of tales, hypothetical discussions and observations, which may cause me to stop and take a photograph of the object or scenery.

See, I do believe that we are always “alone”, but lonely is a state of being, which can be frustrating or a relief. It is rather complicated and I have been working on the significance of these two for years now. I discuss it with others, but still haven’t found a satisfactory answer. Yes, writing about it works well, and then I come suddenly to a stopping point, a point where the thoughts have run their course. Then I can come to the topic later, when the charge is stronger and the urge to express myself real.

One more thought:

I experience my aches, pleasures, excitement and pains alone. I can share some of those with others, but in essence all these are strictly mine alone. Also, proof of me always being “alone” comes to the fore, when I listen to someone, and suddenly I hear myself say: “Let the person speak!” or “listen. Don’t interrupt!” Those are “alone” commands.

So, now I am going to prepare for bed - a neutral place, where dreams take me away. Time to recharge. Bye! - for now.